A new book helps to calm anxiety, depression and panic
May is Mental Health Awareness Month. And the perfect time to find ways to de-stress from this super stressful time. But what if we can’t? What if our lives have been thrown in a tailspin because of Covid 19 and all the old angst is resurfacing even though it has been dormant for a very long time?
And I should know! My psychic struggles are well-known to my readers and listeners, be it hypochondria or an urge to tear out all my hair—or maybe my husband’s, especially since we’ve been in quarantine now for what seems like months. (It is more likely though, he wants to tear out mine, even though he is perfectly stable and sane.)
You see, by nature, I am an anxious person. As mentioned above, my husband, The Lawyer, is exactly the opposite. Indeed, he could manage to sleep soundly in a dunking booth. And whenever I feel particularly on edge, he always reminds me to calm down. “Think of yourself as being a pebble in a stream,” he tells me. “And just let the peaceful water wash over you.” I swear he should be teaching spiritual healing in an Ashram instead of practicing law.
Given my mental deficiencies, I always take advantage of possibilities to interview experts who may have found a way to say, “Goodbye anxiety.” And just the other day, my good friend Bruce Serbin, a renowned publicist and former TV news journalist, told me about a new book he had just written, Pull The Stick Out of Your @$$: Real-Life Strategies to Help You Face Your Fears, Stop Your Worrying and Live Your Best Life.
Now Bruce always seemed like the calmest guy in the land, not unlike The Lawyer. But who knew what was lurking beneath? Luckily, HE did, and chose to help others going through a similar experience.
“I used to be a complete tightwad: quiet, nervous, worried about what other people thought of me, constantly playing out different scenarios in my mind, trying to script out every interaction with people ahead of time,” he tells me. He experienced panic attacks, lived with severe anxiety and suffered from hypochondria. “Until one day, enough was enough,” he says, “It was time to pull that stick out and start living.”
In this lighthearted new book, Bruce shares the results of 20 years of research on anxiety disorders and depression and insight, gleaned from working with the nation’s top mental health experts.
“I wrote this book with the best intentions, he continues, “to help you escape the death grip that living with constant anxiety feels like.” Apparently, Bruce used to be terrified of everything. “I could barely leave my house,” he confesses. “Anxiety was the center of my world all day, every day.”
Bruce learned so much in his recovery that he wanted to share his lifestyle tips and tools so nobody would suffer like he did. These are his personal stories, struggles and, most importantly, real-life strategies that helped him come to terms with, and take control of, his anxiety and mental health. “I know all too well how difficult it can be to break free from anxiety and self-limiting beliefs,” he adds. “And I hope readers will find the book fun and informative and that they can conquer their anxious thoughts and self-sabotaging behaviors once and for all!”
Here are a few tried and true tips from his new book that he shared with me:
Slow down: “When you start feeling immense anxiety or cross into a panic attack, your body needs to slowdown. Slow your breathing. Inhale through the stomach area (avoid chest breathing), hold for a few seconds and slowly exhale through the lips. Do this several times to reset your breathing and until you begin to relax. Practice this when you are calm, and it is a lot easier to implement when you get anxious.”
Focus on what is in front of you: “When people cross into anxiety and panic, they tend to catastrophize and disconnect from the present moment. What is in front of you? What do you see? What do you smell? What can you touch? Describe the people who are nearby. Do whatever you have to do to bring yourself back to the present.”
Use your tools: “One of the things that helped me the most to get out of an anxious moment was my bag of tools that distracted me from how I was feeling. Picture this: everywhere I went I had this big blue backpack and it was stuffed with more junk than you can imagine. It had water bottles, candy, games, silly putty, books, and a lot of other stuff. Getting your mind off how you are feeling is the key. In time, you won’t need all the tools. In the beginning, do whatever works.”
Practice your ass off: “If you have a particular situation that makes you anxious and even causes a panic attack, the worst thing you can do is to start avoiding it. The best thing: face it head on and practice being in that situation as much as you can. Maybe it’s driving on highways, riding in elevators, speaking in public or whatever. At first, you can even enter the situation with a ‘safe person’ or helper. The more you confront it the easier it will get. It’s not easy; you’ll feel tired, defeated and beat up. Just keep practicing and moving forward and I promise it gets easier.”
Remember the acronym HALTS: “Halts stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired or Stressed. If any one of these things is going on, your anxiety is going to be more present. It’s not an excuse to avoid things but do your best to not be dealing with any of these when taking on an anxiety provoking situation.”
Ignore your inner dialog and do it anyway: “Even to this day, I still get plenty of times when my mind starts racing with thoughts like, ‘I can’t do this or everyone is looking at me, and I’ll make a fool of myself.’ Just tell your anxiety to F off, step through the fear and do it anyway. When you come out the other side, it’s the best darn feeling in the world and builds the ultimate level of confidence.”
Make time for yourself: “Life is crazy and stressful for all of us, especially these days. Make sure you take a little time every single day to relax and recharge. It doesn’t matter when you do it or what it is, just do something every day that you enjoy.”
“Please trust me when I tell you wholeheartedly that if I can recover, so can you,” Bruce concludes. “I know that sounds like such a cliché but it’s true. I suffered with some of the worst anxiety and panic that you can ever imagine. I could barely leave the house comfortably. I lost friends. I lost jobs. I lost my whole life. Recovery is definitely possible. Please trust me. You can get better. I’m pulling for you.”
I’m sure The Lawyer is pulling for ME, too, and it has nothing to do with my hair. In fact, he is probably planning to get me several copies of this book for my birthday.
