How to diffuse anxiety and negativity in 2020
Each January we swear to ourselves that this year will be different. That is we stock up on self-help books and watch morning talk show segments on everything from how to better our careers to the best way to clean our closets. And, of course, the gyms that promise a loss of five pounds a week just by doing an hour of Pilates are inundated with new members.
That’s all well and good. But, as we all know, our well-intentioned resolutions are broken at the very first bite of a chocolate chip cookies sundae. Indeed, I often ask my audience what they want to accomplish most in the New Year. And the answer always is, “We want to be happier.” Not to have more money or bags or shoes. All right, maybe those will make some people happy! (Did I just says that?) At the end of the day, we all want to be able to embrace life more fully!
Is that even possible? “Yes,” says- Frank Kilpatrick, creator of The Gratitude Musical/Visual meditation series, a daily mindfulness engagement tool whose purpose is to create a synthesis that engages and entrains the brain toward a personal connection with inner peace. “In fact, we can feel contentment (and yes, happiness!) even when life is at its most chaotic. It comes not from trying to control your circumstances (which isn’t always possible) but from shifting how you look at them.”
“I love the saying ‘Gratitude doesn’t change things for you, it changes you for things,’” Kilpatrick continues. “When we can learn to come from a place of gratitude, we see things differently. There’s a mindset shift that brings peace.”
In other words, instead of dreading a tough project at work, feel gratitude for your job. Instead of feeling stressed about taking our aging mother to the doctor, be grateful to be able to spend the afternoon with her.
“Of course, you can’t just flip a switch and BOOM! you’re grateful,” he says. “Gratitude evolves over time. It’s about building some small, daily habits into your routine—and the new year is the perfect time to start.”
The following are a few of his suggestions for how to shift to a mindset of gratitude:
Make room in your life for gratitude. Often FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) drives us to stretch ourselves too thin. But it’s hard to feel grateful when you are over committed. Know that it’s totally okay to turn down invitations if you don’t feel like being around others, or to spend the weekend recharging.
Prepare your mind. It’s important to make time for meditation or contemplation. Think of this as strength training for your mind. At first it might seem difficult to find the time, but it teaches you to get relaxed and centered, which is a vital life skill. Eventually, it will get easier and easier to drop into a space of quiet contentedness where gratitude is abundant. “Mind training” should be a part of your daily health routine, like brushing your teeth or stretching. But also, get into the habit of grabbing opportunities to meditate or watch Kilpatrick’s Gratitude series—like when you’re getting ready for your day or waiting for your child at soccer practice. “There are very real advantages to this type of mind training,” says Kilpatrick. “It helps stay in a state of gratitude, which enables you to feel peace. It keeps you in the present moment, which is an incredibly powerful technique for keeping anxiety and depression at bay.”
Make mind training a part of your self-care routine: People tend to think of self-care in terms of diet, exercise, and maybe sleep, but we often ignore what we put into our minds, what we think about and ruminate on. This is a mistake. Getting intentional about what we watch, listen to, and infuse into our consciousness is just as important—what we focus on shapes our mental state, impacts our relationships, and influences every choice we make. “Stop allowing junk food into your consciousness,” says Kilpatrick. “We should monitor our cognitive input in the same way we regulate our intake of fats, carbs and calories. What you’re doing is intentionally creating the best version of yourself.”
Focus on Gratitude: Think of it as a gateway to overall happiness. Neuroscience has proven over and over again that a focus on gratitude literally rewires your brain to be happy. When people engage in practices like meditating on gratitude (as Kilpatrick’s series encourages) or by keeping a daily journal of what they are grateful for, they tend to feel more optimistic and positive about their lives. (That’s happiness!) What’s more, they may sleep better, exercise more, and enjoy better physical health than those who don’t focus on gratitude.
Concentrate on the small things: There are plenty of things you can (and should) be grateful for in life’s simple moments. A hot cup of coffee. Toasty sheets fresh from the dryer on a cold evening. A catch-up phone call from a dear old friend. The smell of a delicious dinner wafting from the kitchen. The look of wonder in your toddler’s eyes when they see the first snowfall of the year. Just start paying attention and let yourself feel the wonderment.
Say “Thank You” (and really mean it): When someone does something kind for you, recognize it with a sincere “thank you.” Be specific about why what they did matters. (This helps you mean it, which is important; mindless “thank yous” don’t count.) Recognition, even in small doses, makes others feel great, but it also gives you a boost of joy. And it exercises those gratitude muscles.
Manage your expectations: Real life doesn’t look like a Norman Rockwell painting and your home most likely will never look like a spread in Better Homes and Gardens. Parents get old. Kids get bad grades. Tempers flare from time to time. Even during a wonderful meal with family and friends, someone might get sick, make a judgmental comment, or burst into tears during the salad course. That’s life. It’s messy and complicated…and beautiful. “It’s hard to be grateful and focused on perfection at the same time,” says Kilpatrick. “Keep in mind that even best-laid plans seldom go off without a hitch. Remember to savor the good moments and seek out loving feelings toward your friends and families. Find the love in every situation.”
The best thing about gratitude is that it’s contagious,” he concludes. “If you put it out there, chances are very good you will get it back!” And don’t forget that others are watching you and will see how empowered you have become just by being happy. “So make the effort this year to focus on gracious and loving feelings and that peace will find its way to you,” he adds. “You will be amazed at the new and joyful places this attitude of gratitude will lead you.”
Gratitude’s individual audio/video elements are available for viewing and listening at no charge at www.YouTube.com/c/GratitudeVideo and its own site www.GratitudeVideo.com
